Again

After years of fighting, pointless bickering, we materialize someplace with no walls, no boundaries. It takes in the air effortlessly and produces us as two people in our twenties. I sit in the cafeteria of the university and think: all I have to do is ignore her and this whole thing goes away. Our two trajectories will never touch. Long ago we had stopped communicating in any meaningful way. Now we’ll just eternalize the arrangement by never communicating in the first place.

Somehow, though, I begin to think of life without her. I’m not the man of the future, of pointless fights. I want to live it all again, even as I see the train wreck coming. We’ll do it even worse this time. We’ll be more joyous in our youth and bitter in our twilight–logic and good sense be damned. We’ll be in love, we’ll be exasperated. We’ll rush where we should slow down, and slow down and wait when opportunity knocks. And in the little garden on the terrace of your favorite Italian restaurant, we’ll make magic feel like an everyday experience again and again. All these places and times stop, turn, twist, and there I am again with you, where I should be: miserable, happy, but never alone.

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